The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's never too late to be topless.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
