Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
