filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
