I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
