Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
