Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
