The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
