Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
