Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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