you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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