Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
