he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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