Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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