She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
