I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
