She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
