Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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