I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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