My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
