Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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