i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
