it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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