i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
