I faked an abortion last night.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
