3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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