If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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