if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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