Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize