her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
