You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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