If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
