omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
