the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
