why didn't you poke me back
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
