Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
