I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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