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Scissors
Fuck
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i drank out of a bidet.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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