I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
