I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
