I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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