Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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