Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
