She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
