I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
