some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
birth control should be required to get into college
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I think people are normalizing furries
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
