Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
