what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
