Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
