My sheets look like a crime scene.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
