You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
