Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
