Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
