i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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