What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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