4 words: hood of his car
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
