Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
this just has baby written all over it
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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