she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
