i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
