9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
