I accidentally had phone sex last night
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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