Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you will always have a special place in my vag
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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