Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My breasts were aching with rage.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize