My nipple is on Facebook.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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