What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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