I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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