If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize