I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
