my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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