I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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