Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
