just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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