it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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