I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
