I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Boobs are out for the taking
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
