I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
