Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize