hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
