and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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